Joel’s Spiritual Guard

Someone is unhinged if he opposes health and wealth. Who in his right mind would choose sickness and poverty, when Jesus came to deliver us from these scourges that the devil has afflicted on mankind? I have diagnosed the problem with the acronym ODS, Osteen Derangement Syndrome.

Whereas most people are cheered by seeing a smiling face, especially when things may not be going their way, people afflicted with ODA are soured by our smiley pastor, Joel Osteen. They even oppose his lovely wife.

I am going to reveal something to trusted FB friends. Please keep this information to yourself. We don’t want this widely known. I am Joel Osteen’s spiritual guard. Some preachers are in need of bodyguards but Joel needs a spiritual guard because he refuses to defend himself against his spiritual enemies. Someone has to do the dirty work. Joel has not asked me to do this, because he has a love for his enemies that goes beyond most of us.

Joel is too valuable in the Kingdom of God for his friends to allow his enemies to constantly malign his character and misrepresent his teaching and vainly attempt to destroy his ministry. Hard telling what misinformation (Joel would not want me using the L word) ODS people will perpetuate concerning this man and his angelic guards. After all, these people are not (hopefully) willing slanderers; they have a mental disorder, perhaps soured by personal rejection.

I ask those that I am confiding in to pray for me. For the zeal of God’s house (Lakewood Church) hath eaten me up; and the reproaches of them that reproached Joel are fallen upon me (Psalm 69:9). Men have actually warned me that I am fallen and threatened me with for Hell for my role as Chief Guard of the house that Osteen built from what was originally a professional basketball arena of all things. Look what faith in God has wrought!

Joel is under attack from the wolves trying to tear down the sheepfold and scatter the sheep. Many of them do not even have a sheepfold of their own, which may be part of their problem.

One street witness minister insisted that I invite Joel out to minister with me in the marketplace. Lakewood Church is in the center of the business district of Houston. Joel doesn’t have to go outside like most of us evangelicals, he has up to 40 to 50 thousand eagerly entering into his gates weekly and usually a few hundred taking a stand for salvation at each service.

Who would not prefer the hardwood and cushioned seats of Compaq Center over the sawdust and benches of a tent? Perhaps someone afflicted with ODS?

Remember if you have any signs of this syndrome, Joel is ready and willing to help. I must warn you there is strong security at Lakewood. Who know what someone with ODS might actually do, although they are not known to be physically dangerous.

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